Topic: Writing
A dear friend of mine named Jimmy Kane told me that my writing is very bitter, dark, depressing, and morbid. Why not write something pleasant? Like a motivational story?
So I decided I would. This is a motivational story, of sorts. It's happy, and bright, and optimistic.
In third grade, there was a school play in our class. The play was some kind of Indian thing, with 3rd grade mysticism, 3rd grade economics, and a 3rd grade understanding of culture. I thought Indians were really boring and stupid, so I had a bad 3rd grade attitude towards the play. When there were auditions, everyone wanted to be the gigantic, flapping happy birds. Someone was the Indian chief, and a few people were trees and animals and such. I didn't audition for anything. I was that angry in my 3rd grade little mind.
I didn't want to be in the play at all, but my teacher forced me. I argued and whined and even cried. She made me be a drummer. I would sit on the edge of the stage hitting a dollar store, rubber drum. Thump, thump, thump. I didn't have rhythm or a desire to do it, so I just kind of sat there, pouting, barely hitting the drum. On the premiere of the play, I sat there thump, thump, thump. Plotting my revenge.
A couple months later, there was another school play. It was called Slappy Hooper, about some painter who painted things so well it made them come to life. It also had even more outlandish religious themes than the Indian play.
I was disappointed in myself. The last play I was nothing, so this time, I tried out for the lead role, without even thinking of it, and got the part. I was so excited. I wore a girls overalls and acted as best I could. The premiere was a great success, even though the play was smaller. For years afterward, people would joke with me about how good a job as Slappy Hooper, and in retrospect, that annoyed the hell out of me.
There you have it. A nice, happy motivational story. The moral is, "be yourself". Or "you can do anything if you set your mind to it". Or "just believe". I hope your all happy and motivated. Especially you, Jimmy Kane. Now eat shit and die, you assholes.
So I decided I would. This is a motivational story, of sorts. It's happy, and bright, and optimistic.
In third grade, there was a school play in our class. The play was some kind of Indian thing, with 3rd grade mysticism, 3rd grade economics, and a 3rd grade understanding of culture. I thought Indians were really boring and stupid, so I had a bad 3rd grade attitude towards the play. When there were auditions, everyone wanted to be the gigantic, flapping happy birds. Someone was the Indian chief, and a few people were trees and animals and such. I didn't audition for anything. I was that angry in my 3rd grade little mind.
I didn't want to be in the play at all, but my teacher forced me. I argued and whined and even cried. She made me be a drummer. I would sit on the edge of the stage hitting a dollar store, rubber drum. Thump, thump, thump. I didn't have rhythm or a desire to do it, so I just kind of sat there, pouting, barely hitting the drum. On the premiere of the play, I sat there thump, thump, thump. Plotting my revenge.
A couple months later, there was another school play. It was called Slappy Hooper, about some painter who painted things so well it made them come to life. It also had even more outlandish religious themes than the Indian play.
I was disappointed in myself. The last play I was nothing, so this time, I tried out for the lead role, without even thinking of it, and got the part. I was so excited. I wore a girls overalls and acted as best I could. The premiere was a great success, even though the play was smaller. For years afterward, people would joke with me about how good a job as Slappy Hooper, and in retrospect, that annoyed the hell out of me.
There you have it. A nice, happy motivational story. The moral is, "be yourself". Or "you can do anything if you set your mind to it". Or "just believe". I hope your all happy and motivated. Especially you, Jimmy Kane. Now eat shit and die, you assholes.
Scribbled by Mene Tekel
at 8:48 PM PDT
